Friday, November 22, 2013

Whole New Perspectives at Whole Foods

Today was the first day I walked into a Whole Foods Market by myself.  I have been to one in Santa Barbara with Trevor before to get a few odds and ends, but I have always been a Trader Joe's or whatever grocery store is dirt cheap kind of girl.  After hearing jokes about "Whole paycheck" and other little remarks about how expensive Whole Foods is, I came to the conclusion that Whole Foods is a pretentious, snobby place and that it is not for me.  I am not that health-conscious, I am not that trendy, I am not that rich.

Today I walked into a Whole Foods store because now that we live in a "city" and no longer have a car, Whole Foods is the closest grocery store within walking distance.  I just needed to get a couple things.  I walk in feeling slightly out of place and a little insecure that people will judge me for wearing a K-Mart coat and hand me down clothes.

I get inside and, well, it looks like a normal grocery store.  Oh but, hey!  They have free samples!!!!  I friggin' love this place!  A man asks me if I would like a free sample and before I could see what it was I had already said yes and am handed a small black plastic cup...of organic milk (egh).  Now, I was force-fed milk by my mother until I was about the age of 25.  But in the recent past, the idea of drinking milk totally repulses me. Again, I have gotten myself in over my head and I do not want to be that awkward person who hands a free sample back because "eww I don't drink milk, I'm a high and mighty, picky Whole Foods shopper and can turn down free samples if they are not to my absolute liking because I am that much better than everyone..."  Who wants to be that person?  I chug the shot of milk.  It was not that bad.

I continue shopping around and find the free sample station with the bacon-flavored dark chocolate.  Don't mind if I do!  I am starting to get settled into this Whole Food shopping business.

Then something happened that made me feel welcomed and comfortable in a see-you're-not-as-bad-as-these-people kind of way ... Some clumsy customer in the produce section accidentally knocked over an entire stand of green glass bottles of fancy Perrier water.  I watched the poor embarrassed lady standing frozen, confused and surprised, with broken glass and water everywhere.  I started walking towards her to see if I could help, but a frantic Whole Foods employee was already running to her rescue with an industrial sized roll of thick brown paper towels.  As he gets a couple feet from her and is now into the wet mess area, he loses his footing and goes sliding towards the woman while at the same time aggressively although accidentally chucks the roll of paper towels into the lady's face. The super-embarrassed woman is now hysterically crying mixed with forceful whimpering.  The manager escorts her away (if I were him I'd just take her back over to bacon-covered chocolate stand and let her have at it).  Meanwhile the bumbling employee is on his hands and knees now with another co-worker cleaning up the mess while red-faced and convulsing trying not to laugh out loud.

Now, now I kind of like Whole Foods.

As an extra bonus, tonight was garbage night, and on the walk home I picked up this lovely vintage suitcase:

#ainttooproud #dumspterdiver4life 


Paul Erickson said...

You're funny!

Joya said...

Nice blog!! :D

ashescs said...

This post made me laugh out loud at my desk. Thank you :)

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